Inhabitants from all over the star system were celebrating last night after it emerged that Yoda had overcome his demons and passed an exam in GCSE English. The pint-sized Jedi had long struggled to formulate sentences properly, meaning that he had failed the test aimed at 16 year olds no less than 728 times.
Alan Parks, a private tutor hired to help Yoda had been working with him since he was a newly qualified teacher aged 23. Now 63 and coming up to retirement, he was overjoyed with his pupil’s success. ‘I am just elated, my whole career has been about this moment, Master Yoda just couldn’t get his sentence formulation cracked, but we got there eventually.’
Parks has every right to be elated, he is the 15th tutor hired by the Jedi Council to work with Yoda. ‘To be honest, his habit of putting sentences the wrong way round was getting a bit embarrassing,’ said Mace Windu, a member of the Council, ‘Whilst representing us in public his small stature and funny little green face went down a storm, but his patterns of speech left a lot to be desired.’ Parks worked with Yoda to break the bad habits and to instil a sense of calm. ‘Often it was the heightened expectations around Yoda that caused him to malform his sentences,’ said Parks, ‘he was nervous and he hated it when people laughed at him. We just worked on his confidence more than anything else and slowly we started to unravel the problem.’
Yoda received his GCSE result last week but wanted to keep the achievement quiet in order to avoid a fuss. ‘I just want to carry on like normal,’ said Yoda today, ‘I really don’t want to draw any attention to this, I am like, ok, I’ve done this, I’ve passed, let’s move on. There are far more important things to be dealing with, such as the rebel alliance and that troublesome Darth Vader.’ It is thought that Yoda will not be taking his studies any further at the moment but may well look at A level English in a few years. ‘I would like to keep my hand in for sure, but for the moment, very pleased I am!’ he quipped.