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Internet users on red alert for literate phisher
A phisher who can both spell and construct simple grammatical sentences is the biggest threat yet to online trading, according to Internet security experts. The phisher, who has already tricked...
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Jubilation as Yoda finally passes GCSE English
Inhabitants from all over the star system were celebrating last night after it emerged that Yoda had overcome his demons and passed an exam in GCSE English. The pint-sized Jedi had long struggled to...
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Teachers lament declining standards of parent-written coursework
An extensive study by the National Union of Teachers has damned the ailing quality of coursework written by cheating parents. ‘Samples taken from thousands of pieces of fraudulent coursework...
View ArticleDrama ‘a bit rubbish’, agree drama teachers
The National Conference of Drama Teachers has today issued a statement reluctantly accepting the widely-held view that Drama is a bit rubbish. In a melodramatic press conference a spokesman conceded...
View ArticleGCSE student devastated after being awarded a grade B
While pupils celebrated record-breaking GCSE results today Linda Chaplin was left shocked and disappointed after being awarded the first grade B in the UK for nearly thirteen years. An inconsolable Ms...
View ArticleNew English GCSE to require all answers to be less than 140-characters
Efforts to modernise the dated GCSE English syllabus have been announced by the Department for Education today. All GCSE English answers will be required to adhere to the 140-character limit to prepare...
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Boko Haram criticises ‘excessive’ GCSE coursework
Boko Haram, the Islamist movement opposed to Western education, has joined forces with Mumsnet to criticise GCSE coursework requirements. Abubakar Shekau, leader of Boko Haram, took part in an online...
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Playing video games lowers GCSE results, increases fun
The National Children’s Bureau for the Bleeding Obvious has discovered that dicking around on the Xbox rather than doing your homework, might be a barrier to academic greatness. By contrast research...
View ArticleExam revision ‘harder than in your day because you didn’t have Instagram’
Today’s GCSE students are finding it increasingly difficult to revise for their exams due to the need to indulge in social media, says a study out today. With most sixteen-year-olds updating their...
View ArticleGCSE results to show increase in meaningless statistics
The results of this year’s GCSE examinations are expected to be accompanied by an unprecedented growth in the amount of irrelevant analysis about them. The volume of pointless statistics is likely to...
View ArticleExam Board to set new GCSE in cramming for exams
Teachers’ unions reacted with dismay today as the Midland Examining Group announced that, for GCSE courses starting from September 2018, it will begin offering a new qualification in ‘Test theory and...
View ArticleGavin Williamson to undergo widespread reassessment
Teachers who taught Education Secretary Gavin Williamson in the 1980’s have reassessed his performance as a GCSE and A level student, and asked Ofqual to rescind all his pass certificates, rendering...
View ArticleScandal, as teachers award higher grades to brighter students
A recent study has revealed that unconscious bias may have led to teachers giving marks for correct answers or awarding high attendance scores, to those students who turn up. One researcher from...
View ArticleArtificial Intelligence used to complete teenager’s art GCSE
Following the successful completion of a previously lost section to Rembrandt’s ‘Night Watch’, where the computer has added images of a man standing, a boy running and a drunken painter mooning, the...
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